According to WorldWay comprehensive news: The cultural differences between China and the United States are significant, existing not only in media reports and hearsay but also in real life. When immigrating to the United States, it is essential to understand American lifestyle habits to minimize misunderstandings, show proper respect for local etiquette, and integrate into society. WorldWay U.S. immigration experts introduce some basic American etiquette to help you learn how to become a true American.
1. Introductions and Conversations
Generally speaking, Americans are informal and free-spirited in conversation. Greeting a stranger does not necessarily mean they want to be your friend; a pleasant conversation does not necessarily lead to a deep friendship. It is important to take the initiative and respond with a cheerful attitude. Handshakes are reserved for formal occasions; in general settings, a smile and a "Hi!" or "Hello!" are sufficient greetings.
When meeting for the first time, introductions are simple. The general principle is to introduce the person of lower status to the person of higher status, the guest to the host, the younger to the older, the subordinate to the superior, and the gentleman to the lady. After an introduction, a handshake should be brief and firm, as Americans believe a firm handshake conveys sincerity and frankness. In professional settings, American women may initiate a handshake (this is not always the case in other settings). Men should wait for women to extend their hands first (women generally do not shake hands with each other). If a lady does not intend to shake hands, the gentleman should nod or bow slightly. Do not shake a lady's hand too firmly. Remove gloves before shaking hands; if there is no time, apologize. Close friends and family may use the kiss as a greeting: women kiss each other on the cheek, and men kiss women on the cheek. Americans reciprocate gestures like handshakes, hugs, hand-kissing, eye contact, and nodding in the same manner. There is no need to shake hands when saying goodbye; a wave and a "Goodbye!" will suffice.
Americans address each other by their first names and generally do not use titles like "Mr.," "Mrs.," or "Ms.," nor do they typically use formal titles. Titles are only used for judges, doctors, high-ranking officials, professors, and senior clergy. Professional titles are generally not used as forms of address. When addressing elders, avoid using the prefix "Old."
During conversation, avoid asking about age, family status, marital status, religious beliefs, financial income, or other private matters. Do not ask where someone is going or what they are doing when greeting them. In public, emphasize polite language, and use "Please," "Thank you," and "Excuse me" frequently, even at home. Maintain a distance of at least 50 centimeters during conversation. If you must sit close to others, ask for their consent. Do not speak too loudly, laugh excessively, or argue loudly during conversation. Do not stick out your tongue when surprised (this is considered an insult). Americans like to use gestures in conversation and communication. To ask someone to answer the phone, use a gesture mimicking a phone; to ask a waiter for the bill, use a writing gesture. It is customary to get straight to business after a greeting, without serving tea or engaging in small talk. Americans do not consider exchanging business cards a formal etiquette; they are only exchanged for future contact. When giving a business card, do not expect one in return.
When conversing, keep these points in mind: maintain a smile, take the initiative to greet friends you encounter, and reciprocate when others greet you to show care. Speak with a sincere tone and a relaxed attitude, and keep your answers concise when asked questions. Offer compliments frequently. Be observant; if someone changes their hairstyle or you see their photos, offer compliments where appropriate. If something is not to your taste, try to appreciate it from another angle, such as calling it "cute." Do not forget to say "Excuse me," "Please," and "Thank you." Pay attention to your personal grooming: never be sloppy, as body or oral odors, dandruff, etc., are very unpleasant to others.
2. Dating
Americans are outgoing, generous, and sociable. They tend to stay up late and sleep in, but they have a strong sense of time. Americans may often say, "Come see me anytime." While some invitations are quite sincere, you should still call ahead to confirm a time to avoid causing inconvenience with your "anytime" visit. Appointments should be scheduled in advance, and punctuality is expected. If you receive a formal invitation with "R.S.V.P." printed on it, you must call to confirm whether you will attend. Large event invitations often say "Regrets only," in which case you only need to notify them if you cannot attend. For informal private invitations, you may use a phone call or letter to specify the time and place. Upon receiving an invitation, reply with thanks; do not accept lightly if you are not sure you can attend. If you cannot attend, explain the reason and apologize. If you must cancel at the last minute, be sure to call; never simply disappear and leave others waiting.
Dating is relatively open in the United States, and going to movies or dinner is very common; socializing warmly with the opposite sex is not considered improper. Both men and women can initiate dates, though men usually take the lead. You can split the bill or have one person pay. If an American friend says, "Let's go get a beer" or "Want a cup of coffee?" do not mistake this for an offer to pay; in these situations, it is usually "Dutch treat" (paying for oneself). If the invitation is at a restaurant, you may offer to tip after the meal; if the host insists on paying, do not force the issue. Dating does not always carry deeper implications, nor does it mean you will become a special partner. Therefore, if you want to meet someone to talk, see a movie, or have a meal to build friendship and enjoy a pleasant time, feel free to invite them openly. If you do not want to go on a date or if the other person makes you uncomfortable, you can politely but firmly say "No." Mutual respect is the basic principle of interaction and is also a right.
3. Visiting Someone's Home
Do not arrive early when visiting; arriving before the host is impolite. You may arrive 5 to 10 minutes late; if you are more than 15 minutes late, you should call the host to inform them. Hosts should not receive guests in pajamas at night. When visiting friends or family, wipe the mud off your shoes and remove your hat upon entering; leave wet raincoats and umbrellas outside. Greet the hostess first, then the host. If there are many guests, you may shake hands only with the host and those you know, and simply nod to others. Discuss topics of general interest rather than focusing only on your own interests. Do not touch the host's belongings or fiddle with decorations, and do not ask about the price of items. If you need to make a long-distance call at the host's home, ask for permission and leave money for the call, suggesting it be used to buy candy for the host's children. Do not overstay your welcome; if the host does not invite you to stay for a meal, you should leave before mealtime. Smokers should accept cigarettes offered by the host rather than smoking their own. Americans value birthdays, especially those of children. Guests invited to a birthday party should bring a gift to show their congratulations.
4. Dining Etiquette
If invited to a family gathering, you may ask the host if they need anything, but even if the host politely declines, you can still bring a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers, or a small gift with a Chinese flair. Inform the host of any dietary restrictions in advance. Special cultural customs and dietary restrictions are generally understood and respected. Unless otherwise stated, it is best not to bring children to general gatherings; however, if the event is a picnic or barbecue, the whole family is usually welcome.
Hosting guests at home is more popular among Americans than dining at restaurants because the atmosphere at home is more intimate and friendly. There are two types of home dinners. The first is the family-style meal, where the host and guests sit around a rectangular table, and the host serves the food or passes dishes for guests to help themselves. The second is the buffet style, where food is placed on a separate table for guests to serve themselves.
When invited to dine at someone's home, both host and guest are very particular about etiquette. The host will provide various specialized utensils, such as cold dish forks, fish knives and forks, meat knives and forks, main course knives and forks, fruit knives and forks, serving spoons, soup spoons, coffee spoons, etc. If a guest is unfamiliar with the purpose of a utensil, they can follow the hostess's lead. Place the napkin on your lap; do not use it to clean utensils. Sit upright and do not rest your arms on the table. Only when the hostess begins to eat should others start; do not leave the table until the hostess does, and do not leave midway. Europeans hold the knife in one hand and the fork in the other while eating, whereas Americans use one hand to alternate utensils, keeping the other hand on their lap. Pay attention to the order of using knives and forks, as well as the nature of the forks and spoons. Placing knives and forks diagonally on the edge of the plate indicates you are still eating; placing them completely inside the plate indicates you have finished. Break bread into small pieces before eating. Do not make noise while drinking soup or chewing, and certainly do not sneeze, blow your nose, cough, burp, or pick your teeth. Do not spit food scraps directly onto the plate; use a fork to catch them and place them on the plate. Napkins are for wiping the mouth, never for cleaning hands or utensils. If the salt or pepper is far away, do not reach for it; ask someone nearby to pass it. When dessert or coffee is served, the host may begin a toast, and the guest of honor may use this time to express gratitude. During the meal, you should compliment the dishes prepared by the hostess and try to finish the food on your plate.
After the meal, converse with the host for a while before leaving, but do not stay too long; thank the host for their hospitality when departing. If you are not very familiar with the host, you should call or send a short note afterward to express your gratitude. If there are many guests, wait for the older or higher-ranking guests to leave before you depart... Do not forget to send a thank-you card or letter to the host within three or four days after the banquet. If you stayed overnight at the host's home, the thank-you card is usually addressed to the hostess.
5. Gift Giving
You do not necessarily have to bring a gift when visiting, and you should not give a gift individually if other guests are not doing so. Gifts can be a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers for the hostess, etc. Professional gifts can include stationery such as calendars, pens, or hardcover diaries. Generally, do not give gifts in public. Conference gifts are given after the meeting, such as at a farewell banquet. Americans appreciate gifts filled with friendship; pay attention to packaging, and even for gifts for friends and family, include a gift card. The purpose of the gift should be clear, otherwise, it may be confusing. Cakes, pastries, chocolates, local handicrafts, books, etc., can all be used as gifts (in singular form). When visiting a patient, you should generally bring flowers. In professional settings, do not give expensive gifts to avoid the appearance of bribery. Gifts should not bear the logo of the gifting organization, as this may look like an advertisement. Men should not casually give perfume, cosmetics, or white roses to women (these are gifts for lovers). Open gifts on the spot when received, express thanks, and compliment the gift; there is no need to reciprocate immediately. When invited to a banquet, a sincere toast is a good gift. Common ways to give gifts include inviting someone to dinner, drinks, or a weekend at a villa. Always write a thank-you note after receiving a gift, being invited to a banquet, or receiving help. Unless it is agreed who will pay, it is standard to pay for your own meal when dining at a restaurant together.
6. Clothing and Attire
Americans dress casually, and you will see a variety of clothing in public. Most of the time, they prefer T-shirts, jackets, jeans, sweatshirts, and sneakers. Dress should be neat. Men's trousers should not reveal underwear, and women's skirts should not reveal slips. Skirts should cover the top of stockings; women's shorts should not be paired with high heels, or they may be mistaken for sex workers. Heavy makeup and bright lipstick are also signs of sex workers. No one should wear undershirts or pajamas in public. American clothing reflects personality, temperament, and style, emphasizing comfort; they were the first in the West to replace designer labels with simple, plain clothing.
In formal social settings, pay attention to attire, as banquets often have dress codes. When attending important events, check the dress code on the invitation. If you are unsure of the requirements, ask other attendees to avoid embarrassment. Words on an invitation like "casual" do not mean you can wear jeans, and "semi-formal" does not mean you can skip the tie; it is best to ask for clarification. Suit jackets are usually buttoned only at the top button, or left unbuttoned, but never button all of them. The bottom button of a suit vest is usually left unbuttoned. Dark suits should be worn with black leather shoes and dark socks; avoid white socks with black shoes. For formal occasions or work, women should wear skirts, and men should wear ties and dark suits. For evening gowns, the hem should reach the ankles, and high heels should be worn.
7. Walking and Riding
When walking, the right side is generally considered the position of honor. When walking with a lady, the gentleman should walk on the left and open doors for her. When riding in a car, the owner drives; the front passenger seat is the position of honor, followed by the right side of the back seat. If you are driving yourself, open the door for your guest first and wait for them to be seated before starting the car.
In public, Americans show special respect for women, with "ladies first" everywhere. In social settings, men should be courteous and attentive to women; when walking, men should walk on the outside of the sidewalk; when sitting down, let the lady sit first; when entering a door, the man should go first to open it for the lady; when going up or down stairs or taking an elevator, let the lady go first; when dining, let the lady order first; when leaving, let the lady rise first; if a stranger drops something, a man should pick it up and return it; when greeting a lady, a man must stand up.
WorldWay Editor
