After living in the United States for a long time, I have gradually come to understand a thing or two about the lifestyle and social etiquette of Americans. The general impression is that there are significant cultural differences between China and the United States, which are reflected in many aspects of daily life. If you are planning to invest and immigrate to the United States and want to quickly integrate into American life, you must understand the lifestyle habits of Americans and apply these etiquettes in your interactions with them, so that you can learn to become a true American.
1. Introductions and Conversations
Generally speaking, Americans are known for being informal and relaxed. Greeting a stranger does not necessarily mean they want to be your friend; a pleasant conversation does not necessarily lead to a deep friendship. It only requires proactive engagement and a cheerful attitude. Handshakes are only used in formal settings; in general situations, a smile and a "Hi!" or "Hello!" are sufficient as a greeting.
When meeting for the first time, introductions are simple. The general principle is to introduce the person of lower status to the person of higher status, the guest to the host, the younger to the older, the subordinate to the superior, and the gentleman to the lady. After the introduction, the handshake should be brief and firm, as Americans believe a firm handshake signifies sincerity and frankness. In professional settings, American women may initiate the handshake (this is not always the case in other settings); men should wait for women to extend their hand first (women generally do not shake hands with each other). If a lady does not intend to shake hands, the gentleman should nod or bow slightly. Do not squeeze a lady's hand too tightly. You should remove your glove before shaking hands; if there is no time to do so, you should apologize. Close friends and family may use the kissing etiquette, with women kissing each other on the cheek, and men kissing women on the cheek. Americans reciprocate gestures like handshakes, hugs, hand-kissing, eye contact, and nodding in the same manner. You do not need to shake hands when saying goodbye; a wave and a "Goodbye!" will suffice.
Americans address each other by their first names and generally do not use titles like "Mr.", "Mrs.", or "Ms.", nor do they typically use formal titles. Titles are only used for judges, doctors, high-ranking officials, professors, and senior clergy. Generally, job titles are not used as forms of address. When addressing elders, avoid using the prefix "Old".
During conversation, avoid asking about age, family status, marital status, religious beliefs, financial income, or other private matters. When greeting someone, do not ask where they are going or what they are doing. In public, polite language is valued, and words like "please," "thank you," and "sorry" are frequently used at home. A distance of at least 50 centimeters must be maintained during conversation. If you must sit close to someone, you should ask for their consent. Do not speak too loudly, laugh excessively, or argue loudly during conversation. Do not stick out your tongue when surprised (sticking out the tongue is considered an insult). Americans like to use gestures during conversation and to indicate things. To ask someone to answer the phone, use a telephone gesture; to ask a waiter for the bill, use a writing gesture. They are accustomed to getting straight to business after a greeting, without serving tea or engaging in small talk. Americans do not consider exchanging business cards a formal etiquette; they are only exchanged for the convenience of future contact. When giving a business card to someone, do not expect them to return one.
When conversing, keep these points in mind: maintain a smile, proactively greet friends you encounter, and reciprocate greetings to show care. Speak with a sincere tone and a generous attitude, and keep your answers concise when others greet you. Offer compliments frequently. Be observant; if someone changes their hairstyle or you see their photos, offer compliments where appropriate. If something is not to your taste, try to appreciate it from another angle, such as calling it "cute." Do not forget to say "Excuse me," "Please," and "Thank you." Pay attention to your personal grooming: never be sloppy, as body or oral odors, dandruff, etc., are very unpleasant.
2. Dating
Americans are outgoing, generous in their behavior, and enjoy socializing. They tend to stay up late and wake up late, but they have a strong sense of time. Americans often say "come see me anytime"; while some invitations are quite sincere, you should still call ahead to confirm a time to avoid causing inconvenience with your "anytime" visit. Appointments should be scheduled in advance, and you should generally not be late. If you receive a formal invitation with "R.S.V.P." printed on it, you must call to confirm whether you will attend or not. Large event invitations usually say "Regrets only," in which case you only need to notify them if you are not attending. For informal private invitations, you can use a phone call or letter to clearly state the time and place. Upon receiving an invitation, you should reply with thanks; do not accept lightly if you are not sure you can attend; if you cannot attend, explain the reason and apologize. If you cannot make it at the last minute, please call to notify them; never just disappear and leave people waiting.
Dating is relatively open in the United States, and going to the movies or dinner is very common; interacting warmly with the opposite sex is not considered improper. Both men and women can initiate invitations, though men are usually more proactive. You can split the bill or have one person pay. If an American friend says, "Let's go get a beer" or "Want a cup of coffee?", do not mistake it for an offer to pay; in these situations, it is usually "Dutch treat" (paying separately). If the invitation is at a restaurant, you may offer to tip after the meal; if the host insists on paying, do not force it. Dating does not always carry other implications, nor does it mean you will necessarily become a special partner. Therefore, if you want to meet someone to talk, see a movie, or have a meal to enhance your friendship and spend a pleasant time together, feel free to invite them openly. If you do not want to go on a date or if the other person makes you uncomfortable, you can politely but firmly say "No." Mutual respect is the basic principle of interaction and is also a right.
3. Visiting Someone's Home
Do not arrive early when visiting someone's home; arriving before the host is actually impolite. You may arrive 5 to 10 minutes late; if you are more than 15 minutes late, you should call the host to inform them. Hosts should not receive guests in pajamas at night. When visiting friends or relatives, wipe the mud off your shoes and remove your hat upon entering; leave wet raincoats and umbrellas outside. Upon entering, greet the hostess first, then the host. If there are many guests, you only need to shake hands with the host and people you know; for others, a nod is sufficient. Talk about topics that interest everyone, not just things that interest you. Do not touch the host's belongings or fiddle with decorations, and do not ask about the price of the decor. If you need to make a long-distance call at the host's home, ask for permission and leave money for the call, suggesting it be used to buy candy for the host's children. Do not overstay your welcome; if the host does not invite you to stay for a meal, you should leave before mealtime. Guests who smoke should accept cigarettes offered by the host rather than smoking their own. Americans value birthdays, especially children's birthdays. Guests invited to a birthday party should bring a gift to show their congratulations.
4. Dining Etiquette
If invited to a family gathering, you can ask the host what gift they need. Even if the host politely declines, you can still bring a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers, or some small gifts with a Chinese flair. You can inform them of any dietary restrictions in advance. Special cultural customs and dietary restrictions are usually understood and respected. Unless otherwise stated, it is best not to bring children to general gatherings; if the event is a barbecue or picnic, the whole family is usually welcome.
Hosting guests at home is more popular among Americans than dining at a restaurant because the home atmosphere is more intimate and friendly. There are two types of home dinners. The first is the family-style meal, where the host and guests sit around a rectangular table, and the host serves the food or places it on plates to be passed around. The second is the buffet style, where food is placed on another table in the dining room for guests to serve themselves.
When invited to dine at someone's home, both the host and guests are very particular about etiquette. The host will provide various specialized utensils, such as cold plates, knives and forks, fish knives and forks, meat knives and forks, main course knives and forks, fruit knives and forks, serving spoons, soup spoons, coffee spoons, etc. If a guest does not know the specific use of a utensil, they can follow the hostess. Place the napkin on your lap; do not use it to wipe utensils. Sit upright and do not rest your arms on the table. Only when the hostess begins to eat can others start; only when the hostess leaves the table can others leave; do not leave the table midway. Europeans hold the knife in one hand and the fork in the other while eating, while Americans use one hand to rotate the utensils, keeping the other hand on their lap. Pay attention to the order of using knives and forks, as well as the nature of forks and spoons. Placing knives and forks diagonally on the edge of the plate indicates you are still eating; placing them completely inside the plate indicates you have finished. Bread should be broken into small pieces before eating. Do not make noise while drinking soup or chewing, and certainly do not sneeze, blow your nose, cough, burp, or pick your teeth. Do not spit food scraps directly onto the plate; use a fork to catch them and then place them on the plate. Napkins are for wiping your mouth; never use them to wipe your hands or utensils. If the salt or pepper shaker is far away, do not reach for it; ask the person sitting next to you to pass it. When dessert or coffee is served, the host may begin a toast, and the guest of honor may use this time to express gratitude. During the meal, you should compliment the dishes prepared by the hostess and try to finish the food on your plate.
After the meal, chat with the host for a while before leaving, but do not stay too long; thank the host for their hospitality when you leave. If you are not very familiar with the host, you should call or send a short note to express your gratitude as soon as possible. If there are many guests, wait for the older or higher-ranking guests to leave before you do... Do not forget to send a thank-you card or letter to the host within three or four days after the banquet. If you stayed overnight at the host's home, the thank-you card is usually addressed to the hostess.
5. Gift Giving
You do not necessarily have to bring a gift when visiting, and you should not give a gift individually if other guests are not doing so. A gift can be a bottle of wine, a bouquet of flowers for the hostess, etc. Professional gifts can include stationery such as calendars, pens, or hardcover diaries. Generally, do not give gifts in public. Conference gifts are given after the meeting, such as at a farewell banquet. Americans like gifts full of friendship; pay attention to the packaging, and even for gifts for friends and family, include a gift card. The purpose of the gift should be clear, otherwise it will be confusing. Cakes, snacks, chocolates, local handicrafts, books, etc., can all be used as gifts (in singular form); when visiting a patient, you should generally bring flowers; in professional settings, do not give expensive gifts to avoid the appearance of bribery; gifts should not have the logo of the gifting organization, otherwise it looks like an advertisement; men should not casually give perfume, cosmetics, or white roses to women (these are gifts for lovers). When receiving a gift, open it on the spot, express thanks, and compliment the gift; you do not need to reciprocate immediately. When invited to a banquet, a sincere toast is a good gift. A better way to give gifts in daily life is to invite people to dinner, drinks, or to spend a weekend at a villa. After receiving a gift, being invited to a banquet, or receiving help, you should write a letter of thanks. Unless it is agreed who is paying, when dining at a restaurant together, everyone usually pays their own bill.
6. Clothing and Attire
Americans dress casually, and you will see all kinds of clothing in public. Most of the time, they like to wear T-shirts, jackets, jeans, sweatshirts, and sneakers. Dress should be neat. Men's trousers should not reveal underwear, and women's skirts should not reveal slips. Skirts should cover the top of stockings; women's shorts should not be paired with high heels, otherwise they might be mistaken for escorts. Heavy makeup and bright lipstick are also signs of an escort. No one should wear undershirts or pajamas in public. American clothing seeks to reflect personality, temperament, and style, emphasizing comfort, and they were the first in the West to replace designer brands with simple, plain clothing.
In formal social settings, pay attention to your attire, as banquets often have dress codes. When attending important events, pay attention to the clothing regulations on the invitation. If you are unsure about the dress code, ask other attendees to avoid embarrassment. Words on an invitation like "casual" do not mean you can wear jeans, and "semi-formal" does not mean you can go without a tie; it is better to ask clearly. Suit jackets are usually buttoned with only the top button, or not buttoned at all, but never button all the buttons. The bottom button of a suit vest is usually left unbuttoned. Dark suits should be worn with black leather shoes and dark socks; avoid white socks with black shoes. For formal occasions or work, women should wear skirts, and men should wear ties and dark suits. Evening gowns should be ankle-length and worn with high heels.
7. Walking and Riding
When walking, the right side is generally considered the position of honor. When walking with a lady, the man should walk on the left and open doors for her. When riding in a car, the owner drives, the front seat is the position of honor, and the rest follow with the right side of the back seat being the position of honor. If you are driving yourself, you must open the door for the guest first and wait until they are seated before starting the car.
In public, Americans show special respect for women and prioritize them everywhere. In social settings, men should be humble and caring toward women; when walking, men should walk on the outside of the sidewalk; when sitting down, let the woman sit first; when entering a door, the man should go first and open the door for the woman; when going up or down stairs or taking an elevator, let the woman go first; when dining, let the woman order first; when leaving, let the woman stand up first; if a stranger drops something, the man should pick it up and return it; when greeting a lady, the man must stand up.
