Immigrating to the United States and understanding Americans: The concept of "suifenzi" (contributing money) originated as a grassroots practice in China, where friends and relatives would pool money to help someone, for example, someone getting married. It later evolved into giving red envelopes (hongbao) to newlyweds at wedding banquets. Americans also have a form of "suifenzi," but it has a distinct American character. First, the "frequency is low"; you will not receive invitations from people whose names you cannot recall. Furthermore, kindergarten teachers will not send invitations to children, and a manager's secretary will not drop hints like "the boss is very busy lately—his niece is getting married." Second, the "variety is limited"; it is mainly for weddings, birthdays, births, or when someone has received help and wishes to express gratitude. Third, the "amount is small"; it is often equivalent to only one or two hours of an average person's wages, which, to the Chinese, might seem "stingy" or not worth presenting. Americans do not follow the Chinese-style "red envelope" tradition. If they want to give money, they go to a supermarket to buy a gift card. These gift cards are categorized for various uses, such as dining at restaurants, buying books at bookstores, or shopping at supermarkets. The amounts are usually $10, $15, $20, $25, or $50. This is the standard for American gift contributions.
Of course, the amount for wedding contributions is higher. Usually, cash is not given, though there are exceptions. Some regions have inherited customs from Poland, where a "money dance" is held at the wedding. Guests dance with the bride or groom and give a small amount of cash as a token of appreciation—just a few dollars. Some couples, to avoid making guests feel "awkward about not paying," specifically place a bowl on each table, leaving it to the guests' discretion whether to contribute or not.
The primary way Americans congratulate newlyweds is by buying them gifts. Friends and family receive a long shopping list called a "bridal registry." Wedding expenses in the U.S. are traditionally borne by the bride's side. The bridal registry lists the required items in detail, generally including: decorative items such as vases, picture frames, and artwork; glassware such as coffee mugs, wine glasses, and tumblers; kitchenware such as salad spinners, coffee makers, and oven mitts; bedding such as sheets, quilts, and blankets; tableware such as plates, soup pots, and sugar bowls; and bathroom supplies such as bathrobes, mats, and scales. The groom-to-be, "unburdened by debt," usually joins the bride-to-be in issuing a joint bridal registry.
In 1924, Marshall Field's department store in the U.S. pioneered the bridal registry service. Later, many department stores, such as Macy's and Target, began offering this service. While the merchants' goal is to make a profit, this practice indeed provides convenience and practical benefits to the bride-to-be and the gift-giving friends and family. With the development of the internet, bridal registries are now available online, making the process even more convenient and efficient. Americans are practical; with a registry, the gifts given are all necessary items that do not overlap.
The objective social benefit of the bridal registry is that it promotes the good custom of "a small gift with deep affection." The items on the registry are not expensive, costing a few or a few dozen dollars each, which will never affect the daily expenses of the gift-givers and also puts an end to some people's attempts to use weddings as a way to accumulate wealth. Some couples follow the Chinese example and accept cash gifts. Instead of a bridal registry, they issue a "honeymoon registry," where the cash is used for the honeymoon; more altruistic couples issue a "charity registry," where the cash is donated to charitable organizations. How much is appropriate to write on a check? Usually, siblings give $300 to $500. Friends and colleagues generally follow the unwritten rule of "$20 per year of acquaintance," meaning if you have known each other for 1 year, you give $20; for 2 years, $40... usually capping at $100. If it is a childhood friend you grew up with since wearing diapers, you give at most $200. After all, you cannot exceed the amount given by "siblings."
According to statistics, on average, each American couple receives 200 gifts, with each gift valued between $70 and $100. Some of these are "group gifts," meaning several people pool their money together to give one present.
